Tis' the Season for a Job

Aside from being 32 weeks pregnant, working as a substitute, prepping for another open house, and taking care of a toddler... Not much has been going on. (Hehe)

I just spent Noah's two hour nap and 2 hours after his nap applying to job postings. Noah was playing so good on his own that I was able to accomplish things on the computer. I felt guilty for not playing with him, but usually he does not let me on the computer at all.

I also texted, emailed, and messaged all my contacts to confirm references and completely reformatted my résumé. This has to happen because I really need a job in the fall. It pains me and literally makes me nauseas to leave a 2 month old baby, but we need two incomes and I've been waiting six years for a teaching job.

My pics have nothing to do with this post but much more fun.

One Week Down

We don't have school on Friday so tomorrow is the last day of the work week and let me tell you....

I really love teaching, it's an organic love and I don't have to think too hard, it's natural. We have tough days though.

I could go on and on, but parents are probably the worst part of my job. Let me start by saying there are some great families who instill values in their children and work with them at home, but I would say on average that is the minority.

It's scary how many parents are too busy to work with their kids. They blame the teacher's instead of taking responsibility for their parenting. They don't hold any expectations for their children and when that happens you get kids who are disrespectful, rude, defiant, lazy, unmotivated, mean, selfish, etc.

I had a particulary tiring day today because of one such child. She is labeled "Oppositionally Defiant" in layman's terms, she's an aggressive brat.

A great thing about teaching is that every day is different. I always start each morning fresh, so tomorrow is a new day. I just needed to vent that out so I'm sorry if  you are bored by my post today.

Blessed

Let me preface my post today with this...I believe I have mentioned this before, but I am an elementary teacher. (Currently subbing do to the poor job market in Ohio) I have a love (okay obsession) with children's books.

Work has been truly great this time around. I have been subbing for awhile now (not by choice, by necessity) and this is the least stressed I've been entering a different classroom every day. Maybe it is my confidence in my teaching, maybe it is having more experience than ever, maybe it is the fact that I am a mommy, or all of this together.

I was in a first grade classroom of a friend yesterday. She had me do a lesson using the book below. It is all about how each person has an invisible bucket that can be filled or dipped into all day long. You can fill some one's bucket by being kind, helpful, and respectful. You can also dip into some one's bucket when you are negative, mean spirited, or rude.

 

 If you have not been around young children lately, you may be surprised how many do not have families that put emphasis on good character. I think this is a great read and something to share with your child because the best teacher a child will ever have is their own parent.

I also want to add that my own bucket was raised a little higher on Friday. One of the Kindergarten teachers in the building I was working in said to me, "Samantha, I've been meaning to tell you. Of all the subs, and tutors, and teachers looking for a job in this district right now, you are by far the most positive and pleasant to be around. You are always friendly and in good spirits. It is very refreshing. I really hope you end up getting a position because you really deserve it."

This really felt great and I appreciate his words so much. It is sometimes hard to stay positive (just see my previous posts) but I really do try. He could have kept this comment to himself, but he shared it with me, and it really meant a lot.

I hope that my readers find some inspiration in this post.

Sincerely,

S

A Little Credit

I really think it's annoying when people complain about money (or flaunt it) but I do feel the need to briefly talk about my current situation. Normally I would write something like this in my journal, but today you get to share in my drama- so sorry.

I took 5 months off of work to have Noah. That's the longest I have ever gone without making some sort of income. I don't know how the rest of marriages work, but my husband and I choose to each have our own checking accounts and then a joint checking account-it works for us. Well, my not working and the hospital bills really hit hard. Neither of us has had any personal money for months. Once his check comes in, it's pretty much gone. I am just not use to living like this.

On top of all this, both of our cars (which are paid off thankfully) have needed to be fixed 2 times each and the total bill was not cheap.

I also have to add that I really do love to shop, even if it's to the thrift store for second hand books. I wasn't buying anything for the longest time and I think I finally cracked....

I started using my credit card (which I vowed to myself not to use upon pain of death) to get little things here and there. Most of it was for the baby so I validated it. Well....I went a little crazy shopping for my nephew's first birthday (I really got a deal though) and my husband saw the purchases. Needless to say, my credit card is now in a million sparkly pieces at the bottom of our shredder. :(

This is for the best, because I really do believe if you can't afford something you shouldn't charge it and I want to pay off the debt not add to it. But a part of me is actually sad (I know it's pathetic) that I now have no means to buy anything.

I am starting to get panicky because birthdays and Christmas are right around the corner. I have started working again so hopefully things turn around a little bit in the very near future. And just so you don't think I am a completely greedy, materialistic idiot.... we have also had to cut back on our charitable giving which really bothers me because I feel it is necessary to give back. 

Tomorrow will be a better day and maybe I have a case of the Mondays, so I am sorry you have to share in this sad little post. Wishing you all the best!!

At Peace

I think I am finally at peace with the fact that I am subbing again this year. I thought about all the negatives and positives. There are far more negatives, but the positive is so huge, that it has made me realize this is what is intended for me at this point in time. I just have to have faith that next year will be the year. I thought I would share my list below. My negative list really hurts my heart. I am so grateful to not miss out on my little man's first year that "the positives exceed the negatives".

The negatives:
*owing Kent thousands of dollars to not have a career
*a huge financial strain on our family
*storing A TON of materials in my parent's basement
*feeling like I have not accomplished my goals(basically called a loser)
*money (well, it's a big one)
*my license is going to expire soon
*having to work in other people's rooms
*not being able to move because we can't afford it on one income
*having feelings of not being good enough, even though I am
*the impatience of waiting 6 years for a career that I should have already

Positives:
*I get to spend more time with Noah compared to working full time
*zero work stress

Just the Mommy Uplift I Needed

Home after my first day back at work since having Noah. I cried the entire way to work this morning, after leaving him at his sitter's house. It's so hard seeing your baby in someone else's arms while you walk away. Work went really well, I got to see my students from last year and all the staff too. Noah did great and he just loved playing with our sitter's daughter. It makes me feel good that he is being so cared for. When I got home, I was checking my favorite blogs and rockstar diaries posted this little poem below, originally found here. It totally was the uplift I needed after an emotionally long day.

A Big Change

Well, tomorrow is the day. I have to leave my baby for the first time with his new babysitter. I can't believe it! My heart is aching and I feel terrible. We are going today to see her and drop off all his things. I just can't believe this is actually happening. I am going to be a sobbing mess. My first day back at work and I will be crying right along with the Kindergartners that miss their mommies. I'll just have to tell them that we are on the same boat, they miss their moms and I miss my baby :(

Ugh, Ugh, Ugh Women do this all the time and way sooner then 5 months, but it is still so hard. In my head I know everything will be okay, but my heart says, "waaaaaaaaa!"

Wish me luck!

Gulp!

The school year has officially started and I am a bit sad that I do not have a classroom to work in this year. Being a substitute will be good because I will be able to spend more time with Noah. I have finally chosen a babysitter (hence the gulp for a title) and I am working on a starting day to begin leaving the baby. I can't stand this! I am practically in tears as I write this, it is a really hard transition.

Not to mention, I just logged onto the sytem that shows any available jobs for subs and I have been assigned to a Kindergarten room all next week! No one even asked me or told me about it. I wasn't planning on leaving the baby until after Labor Day. Do I call them and say I can't do it, or suck it up and take him to the babysitter way earlier than I planned. I don't know what to do?!

Whining

Oh my goodness. I didn't check my email, Facebook, or blog since Wednesday. I had a lot of catching up to do. I helped my mom with her garage sale and she did pretty good. My husband and I finally had a date night. Our last one was in June. Thank you to my wonderful aunt who volunteered to watch Noah on  her Friday night.

I am currently struggling with a few things...
1. My weight. I feel like at 4 1/2 months post baby I should be able to at least squeeze into my old jeans but I'm not even close. I've been working out and watching what I eat. I know I could be doing more, but it's really frustrating.
2. Most schools, in Ohio, start around August 24th. I don' t have much time left and I really, really, really desire a full time position. Even though this means leaving Noah all day, in the long run it will benefit him, because we will be able to do more as a family with two incomes (stupid economy)
3. Need to get back into the groove with my husband. I feel like we are on the repeat button. He goes to work, comes home, makes dinner, I take care of the baby, put the baby to bed, we go to bed, etc.

Although I have a lot to be thankful for, this particular blog is all negative.

Am I a Bad Mommy??

I went through a full closet purging today. I usually keep up with it pretty well. I will get rid of things that have just been in there for far too long and donate them to Goodwill. Today however, was a full on assault. Even though it felt good, it felt a little sad too. Many of the clothes I was getting rid of were my pre-pregnant clothes and they just don't fit.

Iman (gorgeous model married to David Bowie) said in an article, "wear what fits you now, not what you're hoping to fit into later."

So, I really miss my old size and I know it's only been 4 months since I had Noah, but I can't wear any of my clothes yet.

Am I a bad mom because I want to be the way I was before I was pregnant? Some women really embrace their new bodies and just know that it comes with having children, but I don't want to be that way. Just because I had a baby doesn't mean I want to start wearing clothes 3 sizes or more than what I use to. I miss how I use to look.

Not to mention I really can't afford to do a whole new wardrobe purchase. It just makes me sad.

Uncertain Future

August 1st starts the waiting game. This is when schools in Ohio start to make calls for interviews and determine what teachers they need to hire for the school year. Unfortunately it doesn't leave the hired teacher more than 2 weeks to prepare for a classroom of students. I have found myself in this position twice now.

This year I REALLY REALLY want to finally find a permanent position. I would say if I haven't heard anything by August 15th, it's probably  not going to happen. I am trying to remain hopeful and trust in God, that if it is in my future to teach, I will get a call. Still there are times when I can't help but feel anxious. So if anyone reads this- send positive thoughts my way.

Call Me Old Fashion

Although I appreciate technology and the advances that are being made, I still love traditional things. I get that a kindle is convenient, but I am a lover of books. I love holding a worn classic in my hand and turning the pages. Reading is more than just looking at the words. It is a complete sensory experience. I truly hope that with all the ebooks and Ipads, children still feel engaged by an actual story book. 

I just read an article in parentingthe early years magazine relating to this. It was in the August 2011 issue titled "Where Have Basic Skills Gone?" by Holly Pevzner. The first line said, "...practical skills in the preschool set are apparently being neglected as digital skills take over." Basically saying that children going into preschool can work a cell phone or a DVR but can't even tie their own laces or write their name. YIKES!

As a new mommy and a teacher I know enough to work with my child, but it is scary that people don't see the importance of hands on, basic skills for their children. So I am hoping that parents out there find a balance between current trends and technology and basic life skills and activities.

"Starving Artist"- How 'Bout Teacher

Believe it or not, it's pictures like this that get me EXCITED!! This is a shot of my very favorite area of a classroom...the library. This is my first teaching position. It was the most exciting and anxious time in my life. I was more calm about having a child than I was about this position. I really wanted to make a good impression and because it was my first class I was nervous to do anything "wrong". Since I was only hired on as a long-term substitute, it only lasted a year.


I have had another classroom since then and several sub jobs, but here I am 27, baby, married....no job. I am realizing I have a better chance of getting struck by lightening then I do getting a teaching job in Ohio. Move you say...well I have thought about it...but I am a stickler for my little bubble and I don't want to leave. Plus I don't think it's much better anywhere else.


So here I am, hoping and PRAYING that this is the year! So I have been meditating day and night about getting a call from a district offering me a job. I just can't give up on chasing this bubble!!